Don’t fuck with luigi

Music? What’s tha- Uh… uh OH! OH You mean math?! YEAH I LOVE THAT STUFF!

Comprehension of FM Synthesis +1!

That stuff is so wild, and my theory that the reason some people believe subtractive synthesis is Maximum tier and FM synthesis sucks is because they don’t understand how FM synthesis works and subtractive is a lot easier to grasp/work with without a deep understanding of what is actually going on has been confirmed! (Well… not toooootally confirmed, cause I guess there is always personal preference behind it in the end)

Not a huge fan of the voice used at the beginning, but the footage fallowing looks pretty great!

Theme of the Punies

Great Boogly Tree

Paper Mario thousand year door has some of the most fantastic music! It’s really my dream to be able to compose things as good as the ones in here. It all feels very unique. The game itself has offered one of the greatest in gaming experiences for me, it just feels VERY complete/well put together.

While we are at it, I found some old pictures I meant to show a friend that really loves snow but lives in a place where… it never actually snows. Unfortunately I forgot, but here they are now! These where taken somewhere between Vancouver and Kelowna… 

Due to my my school schedule, I’m basically nocturnal, so I’d never been to the park during the day, I usually go between 1-5 AM. Pictures taken in that time zone don’t usually turn out ;) I went during the day today though and it turns out there’s a reason that place is called “Duck pond.” It’s loaded during the day, even a crane was there! I really love the two ducks sleeping beside each other in the top right picture.

Also, a bit about my experience with anxiety related to self hate!

Firstly this is something I do still struggle with, I’m not saying I’ve found that absolute answer to everything, but these are just things that have been helping me. Also building all these things has been an incredibly slow process, and sometimes it might not seem like anything is changing, but when I really think about it… I mean there was a time when I missed classes because I was too afraid to take the skytrain… THAT DOESN’T HAPPEN ANYMORE, CLEARLY SOMETHING’S BEEN CHANGING!

So, when I am having these panic attacks, everything in my head is messed up. Two major thing happen. The first being that I think things about myself and other people that I know aren’t true, but the fear that they are true just drives me straight out of my mind. The second being that anything that I legitimately do dislike about myself becomes extremely apparent, and everything I do like about myself becomes very hidden to myself.

When my anxiety first started to really become an issue, I didn’t really think about trying to fix it. I would say the biggest problem is that when the anxiety stopped I stopped thinking about what caused the anxiety. Outside of that state of mind, I can keep track of things that I like about myself and use them to counteract the things I don’t like about myself, it just kind of balances out and I become fine. What I really needed to do is focus down those things that brought me panic and work to fix them when I wasn’t panicking. For me, this meant building a lot of self control (STILL NOT THE GREATEST AT IT, BUT THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS). I had to fight addictions to online games, and this meant dropping a lot of people from my life (I still talk to them, but a lot less frequently) which is kind of a hard thing to do.

Finally, the most important thing for me was taking the time to like what I wanted to like, and learn the skills that I wanted to have. In my head there are a lot of ideas that sound very appealing to me about what I would like to like, but I never practiced the act of liking these things in my life, just thought about it. Bringing those things into my life, spending the time to enjoy them stopped them from just being ideas of things that I would like to like, and made them activities that I enjoyed doing. This does require work, it’s kind of weird because I didn’t feel like doing these things that I would like because they required effort, but it was the most fulfilling thing when they where there. This included little things like learning to read Japanese and hexadecimal code as a string value (574F5720534F20414D415A494E47) Filling my house with plushies and figurines, buying interesting teas, going for walks in the park, really just a lot of changes in my life to keep what makes me happy actually in my life, even though it takes a bit of effort.

Something I would say that actually helps develop this is animal crossing. The game gives you a variety of things that can be done in a day, so it builds habits, and discourages you from spending too much time doing a single thing (because if you play it too long you run out of things to do in that day and it gets awfully boring) that can be translated into your real life. It sounds dopey, but it helped for me.

Now for the worst part of the experience! The loops. So many times I’ve generated these infinite power sources where the anxiety generates it’s own anxiety. The biggest ones for me where self hatred caused by self hatred (I hated myself because I was upset that I hated myself and I shouldn’t) and worries generated by worries(your fear of something causes you to act in a negative way, which causes you to worry even more, which causes you to act in a negative way, it just kind of compounds). This is a hard one to deal with, and I don’t really know how to give advice for it other then just do whatever you can to break the loop, and catch it when it starts. The sooner you get out of it the easier it is to stay out for the duration of the day. Try to catch it coming immediately and switch over to something fun, or go for a run to distract yourself. It might sound like a bad idea when I say distracting yourself, cause clearly that’s an issue that is still there, but trying to deal with it when it starts off in loop form is impossible, get your mind off the idea and come back to it when you aren’t panicking anymore.